I got on a really good rant on Friday night about how distracting televisions are in pubs. I’m not talking about TVs showing a football game that everyone’s into and getting rowdy about. I mean those terrible little ones, tucked away in a corner with the sound turned down having no effect other than to distract you with moving images.
I’m not sure if this is a problem you’re faced with, but I’m really distracted by moving pictures. Maybe it’s a short attention span, or maybe it’s a natural magnetism to anything technological but having a TV in eyeshot really ruins my conversational abilities.
In a fit of pique, I tracked down this cool little toy called a TV-B-Gone and ordered it. In about a week or two, I’ll be sure to carry this keychain size toy with me to the pub to turn the goddamn televisions off. I’ll let you know how it goes. I don’t reckon anyone will even notice me turning them off, though I do plan to be discreet enough to avoid getting beaten up. You just never know how turning off music video clips that have no sound might enrage people.
I’m pretty thrilled. Two of my favourite items of hysteria have collided and provided much confusing amusement – or confusement, if you like. The very people who are meant to keep us safe from the terrorists might actually be paedophiles hell bent on leering at our bald and naked children through new full-body airport scanners.
In fact, the scanner is so advanced and intrusive that under UK law the images it produces will very possibly qualify as child pornography. As a result, Manchester Airport will need to seek legal advice on whether or not it is able to allow under-18s to be scanned by the new machine when it launches next week.
I object to these new machines on the basis that they are unnecessary and invasive – especially if they are compromised by something as simple as having an under-18 be exempt. I’m also pretty sure that airport security remains incredibly easy to defeat by someone with enough motivation.
For instance, check out this article in the November 2008 edition of The Atlantic, it’s called “The Things He Carried.” Aided by Bruce Schneier, a regular and vocal critic of airport security and “security theater” in general, a journalist managed to board aircraft with fake boarding passes, wearing jihadist slogans on his clothing and on various occasions smuggling through pocket knives, toothpaste, bottles of water, nail clippers, scissors etc. etc. etc.
I think this quote does a pretty good job of summing it up:
“In some ways, if we’re relying on airport screeners to prevent terrorism, it’s already too late. After all, we can’t keep weapons out of prisons. How can we ever hope to keep them out of airports?”
It’s from Schneier himself on Airport Passenger Screening.
Meanwhile, how many times have airport screeners found that pair of scissors you forgot about in your bag – only it was on your return flight? Or your third or fourth flight? Everyone’s got a story of that sort and that’s when people have brought through prohibited items by accident.